'I'm a better juggler than you are.'
'Balls.'
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
it's no fun till someone dies
Do you believe in curses?
When I heard that R (long-legged, blue-blooded, stiff-upper-lipped boy who also roams these parts) had cursed an auto-driver, I have to say that I subconsciously inserted an ‘at’ in there, and wondered what abuse the man had been subjected to.
No, turns out that R had indeed cursed the man. To die, no less, by… um, I think sometime now. Crash into a wall and die, I believe.
The exact words weren’t so much an invocation of the demon brothers; rather, a mothy wave of the hand (attributed) and a ‘Oh, I curse you to…’, much in the manner of ordering for antipasto with an upturned nose.
Of course, the curse wasn’t exactly concrete, seeing as it was very accommodating to the needs and schedules of the curse gods, being as it was a curse to smite the auto-driver (by way of death) ASAP.
As soon as possible, if that’s not too much bother, you know, seeing as you’re omnipotent and all, Curse God, by the weekend would be nice, and not too painless as well (impaled on a fence would be acceptable). Send in acknowledgement by registered post to undersigned, with maybe a chipped tooth or two as proof of specific performance.
I shouldn’t stereotype the kind of people who would, could and should be capable of administering curses (I myself have one looming over my head since mid-2007), but as was pointed out, R is hardly the sort of earthy, one-with-nature skull-necklace wearer who’d go around cursing people. He’s a little too… um, shadowy for that, whether or not the fingers twitch and twiddle with curses on his mind.
What’s shadowy? I’m not really sure how it’s being defined here, other than as one who purports to keep his nose (or at least his fingernails) clean, even will constantly poking at subject-matter with a pole.
In any case, here’s a solitary prayer for an auto-driver with an overzealous metre, one that refuses to be reined in by conventional distance discourse and iridium-platinum alloys lying in Sevres.
When I heard that R (long-legged, blue-blooded, stiff-upper-lipped boy who also roams these parts) had cursed an auto-driver, I have to say that I subconsciously inserted an ‘at’ in there, and wondered what abuse the man had been subjected to.
No, turns out that R had indeed cursed the man. To die, no less, by… um, I think sometime now. Crash into a wall and die, I believe.
The exact words weren’t so much an invocation of the demon brothers; rather, a mothy wave of the hand (attributed) and a ‘Oh, I curse you to…’, much in the manner of ordering for antipasto with an upturned nose.
Of course, the curse wasn’t exactly concrete, seeing as it was very accommodating to the needs and schedules of the curse gods, being as it was a curse to smite the auto-driver (by way of death) ASAP.
As soon as possible, if that’s not too much bother, you know, seeing as you’re omnipotent and all, Curse God, by the weekend would be nice, and not too painless as well (impaled on a fence would be acceptable). Send in acknowledgement by registered post to undersigned, with maybe a chipped tooth or two as proof of specific performance.
I shouldn’t stereotype the kind of people who would, could and should be capable of administering curses (I myself have one looming over my head since mid-2007), but as was pointed out, R is hardly the sort of earthy, one-with-nature skull-necklace wearer who’d go around cursing people. He’s a little too… um, shadowy for that, whether or not the fingers twitch and twiddle with curses on his mind.
What’s shadowy? I’m not really sure how it’s being defined here, other than as one who purports to keep his nose (or at least his fingernails) clean, even will constantly poking at subject-matter with a pole.
In any case, here’s a solitary prayer for an auto-driver with an overzealous metre, one that refuses to be reined in by conventional distance discourse and iridium-platinum alloys lying in Sevres.
Monday, May 4, 2009
grouchy
I’ve written a few posts about a cousin in the US who’s getting married to a Californian. Elder brother probably felt the pressure, and popped the question to his then-girlfriend, who said yes and so is now fiancé.
Like the good TamBrahm boy that he is (whether he/we like it or not), he promptly told his parents, who told their parents (my grandparents) and my parents, and from thereon in proliferated like a badly fonted (is that a word?) chain mail. Apt, given the number of people they’ve been sent to (I’ve received independent intimations from father, mother and grandmother).
For starters, my mother sent a congratulatory note to him, also CCed to a couple of other people – which I’d think could be a slight invasion of privacy for the cousin, having his emails to his aunt being promptly forwarded to other people in the family. But it’s probably par for the course in my family, and nothing unexpected.
My grandmother is currently in the US, helping (overseeing? Controlling?) with the wedding preparations for the sister of this one. She hasn’t met his fiancé yet, but heard from him, and is at her son’s (my uncle) place, and they’ve met her before – I would think that they’d provide a description of what she was like, and most definitely would have provided pictures of her.
She sends an email to dozen-odd family members, informing them of the news, saying blah blah blah, he proposed, she said yes, they’re both very happy.
Now, I should admit here that I’m being mean.
With that out of the way…
She provides one line of description. To be honest, I don’t know what I would’ve said.
‘Great news! X is now engaged. His fiancé is…’
Fiancé is… pretty? Is a woman? (hey, how dare you insinuate that anyone in this family be gay?!) She’s white? She’s tall? She’s blonde? She’s… qualified as whatever she’s qualified as, with schooling at wherever?
One line of description in the email, after mentioning that she’s his classmate at the University:
‘She is a Jew.’
Oh, how I love my family.
Like the good TamBrahm boy that he is (whether he/we like it or not), he promptly told his parents, who told their parents (my grandparents) and my parents, and from thereon in proliferated like a badly fonted (is that a word?) chain mail. Apt, given the number of people they’ve been sent to (I’ve received independent intimations from father, mother and grandmother).
For starters, my mother sent a congratulatory note to him, also CCed to a couple of other people – which I’d think could be a slight invasion of privacy for the cousin, having his emails to his aunt being promptly forwarded to other people in the family. But it’s probably par for the course in my family, and nothing unexpected.
My grandmother is currently in the US, helping (overseeing? Controlling?) with the wedding preparations for the sister of this one. She hasn’t met his fiancé yet, but heard from him, and is at her son’s (my uncle) place, and they’ve met her before – I would think that they’d provide a description of what she was like, and most definitely would have provided pictures of her.
She sends an email to dozen-odd family members, informing them of the news, saying blah blah blah, he proposed, she said yes, they’re both very happy.
Now, I should admit here that I’m being mean.
With that out of the way…
She provides one line of description. To be honest, I don’t know what I would’ve said.
‘Great news! X is now engaged. His fiancé is…’
Fiancé is… pretty? Is a woman? (hey, how dare you insinuate that anyone in this family be gay?!) She’s white? She’s tall? She’s blonde? She’s… qualified as whatever she’s qualified as, with schooling at wherever?
One line of description in the email, after mentioning that she’s his classmate at the University:
‘She is a Jew.’
Oh, how I love my family.
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